I Am

I just had an idea for a new story and I thought I'd write it down here before I forget it. It's about an actor with multiple personality disorder. Every time he gets cast in a new role, his mind makes a new personality for that character. He's praised as the greatest actor ever because, to him, every role is the one that he was born to play. Until he one day gets cast as something a little too sinister, and it starts to take over. Will he be able to pull himself back before he goes too far?

Prophetic Dreams and Breakups

Hey. It's been awhile since I've written here. I haven't really felt like it in a long time and I don't think it's a coincidence that it happened right at the time that my mom started reading this (which I'm sure you're doing right now). By the way, thanks for that, Nate. Although there are things that I don't want my mom to read, there are also things I don't want Facebook friends to read, and that's why I used this blog. I guess that if you want to talk to people about things, you forfeit the right to privacy from specific individuals unless you take the anonymous route. Regardless, there's something I wwant to discuss.

Those of you who read my blog know that I tend to have prophetic dreams, or at least what I interpret as such. Last night I had a pretty specific one that I think I need to talk about. Although it didn't mean anything to me at the time, there has been some perspective put on this in the hours since I woke up.

For those of you who don't know, Isabella and I are Facebook friends again. We were at a party for a mutual friend over the summer and it helped me realize again that before we dated and things went sour, she was my best friend. Maybe I'm the only one who feels it anymore, but we just click (it was dating that made it go wrong). So after the party, I went home and I e-mailed her and said that if she was up for it, I'd like to give being friends another shot. She seemed less comfortable about the idea but she did agree on some level and re-added me as a friend on Facebook. Now, we haven't talked much since then, or really at all, but it was a nice gesture and it makes me feel a little more at ease about everything that happened between us.

So now, on to the dream. I had a dream that Isabella was trying out a new privacy feature on Facebook that basically made it so that certain people couldn't comment on certain things. In the dream, she was using it just so that I couldn't comment on things because she was uncomfortable with that level of interaction between us. So to test it out, she kept writing on my wall, "try to comment on this" or making that her status (but I knew that it was just meant for me) so I'd try to comment on it, but the comment button was gone. The privacy feature worked and I couldn't comment on anything, so I sent her a message to tell her.

Now by itself, that dream didn't really mean anything to me. But when I was on Facebook a little while ago, I saw her status. "I'm so sorry". I thought it might be from a song she really likes now or something so I went to her profile page to see if it was or it was what it sounded like, and it wasn't from a song. She had a status on sunday saying she was so excited that her long-time boyfriend was coming back from vacation, and a few hours later, she was listed as single.

My first reaction to that was sadness. I really felt for her. The story of those two statuses next to each other on her wall was just heart-breaking. But then I started to feel something different. Sympathy. I just wanted to think of something to say to her to help her out. But I couldn't. And do you know why? Because even if I had the world's greatest advice, if I had a potion that made break-ups the most wonderful thing in the world, it still wouldn't matter. Because it was from me. I don't think that talking to the biggest heart she's ever broken when she's going through the same thing would do any good at all. Best case scenario in terms of us, she feels guilty and it brings us closer together, which is awful. Worst case scenario, she gets pissed at me and we never talk again.

So this is where the dream comes in. Did something out there know that I would be going through this and tell me to stay out of it? I think it's likely. But at the same time, I don't want to stay out of it. I really feel like the fact that I had the worst time during a break-up ever gives me the ability to help others cope with the same thing. But we have so much history since she's the one who did it to me. I'm very conflicted right now. A big part of me is just hoping that she'll know I might be able to help her and she'll come to my blog to read my old entries and see this. Another part of me knows that really isn't very likely at all.

I think that what I've landed on is this: In the dream, I sent her a message. Not a long message, just a short one to tell her that yes, it worked and I can't comment on her stuff. Maybe that's what I should do. Just send her a really short message that says, "Journaling really helped me" or something like that. Or maybe I should just stay out of it. I guess that all I can do is sit on it for a while and see if I can decide.

Trapped In A Store

There's a website I like that's currently having a contest.

You know how when you were a little kid, you dreamed of being trapped in a toy store over night? Well the contest asks what you would do now if you were trapped in a sex toy store overnight.

And I'm going to be honest; the first thing that came to my mind was this: I'd take all of the lube, squeeze it out onto the floor, then grab a blow up doll and go sledding. Haha.

I doubt that's what they had in mind when they wrote the contest, but still, that's honestly probably the first thing I would do in that situation. Oh, also I would totally eat all the edible underwear.

My Responses to Anti Gay-Rights Arguments

I, as a strong supporter of gay rights, have decided to respond to the arguments I most commonly hear about the subject.

Argument number 1:
Homosexuality is a sin.
Since sin is a relative moral concept determined by religion, it has no bearing on U.S. law because of seperation of church and state.

Argument number 2:
You never see animals engaging in homosexual acts.
First of all, that is in no way relevant. We don't see animals do a lot of things. Should it be illegal to wear clothes? Animals don't. For that matter, should it be legal to kill people so we can take their women? Because animals do that. If we base our society on what we observe in nature, there's no point to society at all. Secondly, you do see animals engaging in homosexual acts. There are well documented cases of more than 500 species of animals engaging in homosexual acts. And those are just the documented ones. It's been observed in nearly 1500.

Argument number 3:
What next; are you going to let people marry animals?
If animals were intelligent enough to give consent, why not let people marry them? I see no reason to prohibit it other than the matter of consent.

Argument number 4:
Allowing same sex couples to marry devalues the concept of marriage.
Well that entirely depends on what you believe the concept of marriage is. If you believe that the concept of marriage is two people making a commitment to love each other, or even just be together, then I don't see how gay marriage falls outside that. In fact, it would actually devalue the concept of marriage to not let two such people get married. Since the only technical difference between genders is genitalia, the only definition of marriage that supports the argument is this: A penis and a vagina making a commitment to be together. And, granted, some people do get married just to have sex, but those are the least stable kind of relationships.

Argument number 4.5:
The point of marriage is procreation and same sex couples can't do that.
This is similar to, but more extreme than, the last one. If the legality of marriage was based solely upon reproduction, this is what the world would have to be like: It would be illegal for infertile men and women to get married. It would be illegal for any married person to buy birth control. All married women would have a legal obligation to become impregnated again as soon as they recovered from their last pregnancy. As soon as a woman hit menopause, her marriage would no longer be recognized. You might think that's ridiculous and that's because it is. It's one thing to say that the point of sex is to reproduce, but to say that the point of marriage is to reproduce completely defeats the whole point of even having marriage. At that point, it just becomes something you do for a few months every now and then so you can have kids without angering god. That hardly sounds like a sacred union that needs to be protected.

Job?

I went in for an inerview today at the gas station near my house. It pretty much consisted of me showing them my social security card and them telling me that they'd call me as long as my background check goes through and says I'm not a felon. So I'll probably start working there soon, just not soon enough to help with my ticket at all. So I just need to find someone to borrow money from. If I can get my hands on enough money to pay off the ticket, I  should make enough money to pay it back within a couple of weeks.

Then I plan to spend the summer working both at the gas station and detassling in the morning to pay my back rent and rebuild my savings until I have an emotional collapse from being exhausted and never getting to see Nezza. With any luck, I'll have enough money to fall back on for next year when I'm living with her in a six hundred dollar a month apartment because college towns cost twice as much, but it's actually still cheaper than sharing a single room in the dorms, believe it or not.

With any luck, I'll get to be happy next year and still save up enough to go on trips every now and then with my lovely lady.

But first, I need to find a way to take care of the ticket. After that, things should get easier.